Getting to know someone in a new relationship is an exciting and often challenging process. It requires patience, understanding, and good communication.

The Top Ten List: Talking Points for New Relationships

Here are some potential talking points to help you get to know your new boyfriend or girlfriend better:

1. Background and Family: Understanding your partner’s upbringing, their family dynamic, and their relationship with their family members can tell you a lot about them. How they describe their family can provide insights into their values and expectations of family life. Be ready to share about yours as well.
2. Hobbies and Interests: Knowing what your partner enjoys doing in their free time can help you find everyday activities to enjoy together. It also provides a window into their personality and what they value. Pro Tip: If you don’t enjoy the same activities, maybe this would be a good opening to discuss planning a date around a new activity;
3. Career and Goals: Discussing each other’s careers and future aspirations can shed light on your partner’s ambition, work ethic, and what they want to achieve in life. Why is this important? To assess their financial health or importance? Nope. This can help you understand if your goals and life trajectories are in alignment.
4. Relationship Expectations: It’s crucial to discuss your expectations in a relationship. What does commitment mean to each of you? Are you both looking for a serious relationship or is this more casual? This topic can help avoid misunderstandings later.
5. Values and Beliefs: This can include everything from religious beliefs to political views to personal ethics. These discussions can sometimes be challenging, but they are crucial for understanding if your fundamental values align.
6. Past Relationships: This doesn’t mean you need to go into every detail about your exes, but understanding each other’s past relationship experiences can provide insight into what you both expect and hope for in your current relationship.
7. Travel Experiences and Aspirations: Where have they traveled? Where do they dream of going? This can be a fun topic that tells you about their sense of adventure, their interests, and perhaps some of their priorities.
8. Health and Wellness: Discussing health and wellness includes physical activities, diet, and mental health. It helps to understand how your partner takes care of themselves, and what kind of support they might need or expect from you.
9. Friends: Who are the essential people in their life outside their family? How they interact with and talk about their friends can give you insights into their social life and values.
10. Personal Growth: Is your partner interested in self-improvement? This could be through reading, learning, taking courses, or other forms of self-development.

Remember, these are topics of discussion and not an interview. It’s supposed to be fun. If possible, try to keep the tone of the conversation light and positive.

Join the conversation, live on Zoom. Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023 at 8 PM Central time. Our weekly group discussion will allow men and women from across the country to share their opinions and feedback about these talking points. See you there!

Advice for the Listener

Allow the conversations to flow naturally. Listen objectively when they are sharing their answers. Work towards developing an understanding of this unique person, where they’ve been, and where they want to go. Focus on understanding their perspectives rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. Allow for space to process and reflect. Fill the silence with smiles, eye contact, and (if comfortable and consensual) some comforting touches or hand-holding.

These personal conversations are a powerful place to begin fostering intimacy and a safe, open environment for communication. These are the special moments you will not get the chance to relive, so enjoy the moment and stay present. You’ve got this.